Friday (18+)

Friday (18+)

The day wasn’t even all that bad, but she knew her patience had been spent, wasted on countless idiots who thought their weak attempts at hitting on her would somehow woo her into jumping their bones in the back room of the coffee shop that barely paid half of a decent wage.

Forget it. All she wanted was a bottle of chilled white, a couple of long pulls from her bong, and for her man to get his ass home so that he could make her forget about all those childish morons who made her cheeks sore from so many fake smiles.

It was already 9 o’clock and she was just getting through the front door. Cinderella, the horny little pussy cat, nearly tripped her over as she stepped in to the apartment and kicked off her heels.

“Awe, hello Cindy, my naughty little pussy! Did you miss me? How was your day? Did you spend it fighting off tons of dicks like me?”

Meow. Meeeooorrww. Shit. When a pussy is hungry, it needs to be fed.

After dealing with her little feline princess, it was time to unwind.

Tiptoeing her bare aching feet across the cold tiles of the kitchen floor to the fridge, she opened it with her eyes closed and her fingers crossed. It had been such a busy week that there was no time to do any grocery shopping, but there was just no way that she was going out again at this time of night.

Please let there have been a miracle, please.

Slowly, she cracked open her eyes, but apparently Jesus hadn’t blessed her fridge this time. No, it was as bare as her freshly shaved peach.

But then she saw it, and her heart skipped a beat. Fuck, he’s amazing. In the fridge door was a big bottle of white wine, and a post-it note with his signature smiley heart face stuck to it. Forget amazing, he was practically perfect.

She grabbed the bottle, slammed the fridge door closed, and plucked a fresh wine glass from the cabinet. Maybe it wasn’t a miracle but it was damn well close enough.

She had just sat on the couch, poured her first glass, and kicked her feet up on the coffee table when all of a sudden Cinderella scampered across the living room and darted to the front door just as her man pushed open the front door and carried in his sweet, strong smell.

“Hey there little trouble maker, oh hello, I missed you too! I hope you were a good little girl today! HONEY! I’M HOME!!! YOU HAD BETTER BE NAKED!!!!”

God knows, she loved him so much. He knew just how to treat her right. Every time he stepped in to her light, she lit up like a roman candle. The fire inside burned hotter every day, and she could see in his eyes that he was still as crazy about her today as the first day they met.

“Hey sexy! I’ve got a surprise! I brought sushi for dinner!”

“Oh my god, you’re amazing baby! We didn’t have any food, so I was good with just a liquid dinner, which by the way, thank you SO MUCH! Come here you sexy beast, I want to cuddle.”

He leapt over the back of the couch and landed perfectly next to her, not even bumping her hard enough to spill a drop of her wine. His strong long arms slipped around her waist and he leaned in to her face, wrapping her in his smell that she had grown totally addicted to.


“Hi. I missed you.”

“I freaking missed you too.”

“I missed you three. Baby you’re so good to me, and you brought sushi. You’re my savior! Come here I want to taste those lips.”

He tasted like sweet salvation, every single time he kissed her.

His bottom lip was so juicy, so delicious, so damn suck-able, that she never wanted to leave it alone, and he never seemed to mind.

He was an absolutely brilliant kisser, and his tongue was a truly amazing piece of talent. With it he could make her cum over and over, and even as fantastic as his cock was, she was pretty sure that he loved using his tongue more.

“Mm babe, let’s eat the shit out of this sushi, and then, I’m going to eat the fuck right out of your tight little pussy all night long. How’s that sound?”

“Mm, that does sound good. Really good. Thank you in advance.”

“You’re most welcome, my love. Can I refill your glass of wine?”

“Yes please. Spanks.”

“No problem! So, how was your day?”

He got up from the couch and made his way to the kitchen to get wine.

“Oh you know, same shit. Jackie called in sick, and Rick wouldn’t come in if it meant he was going to lose the business, so there I was on my own all fucking day. And it was so busy, of course.”

“Awe babe. You’re such a trooper. You should be part owner by now, with the amount of time and effort you put in. The fact that you work more than anyone else there, combined, and yet you still get paid the least, fucking hell, it infuriates me.”

“Ugh, I know. But please, let’s not talk about that anymore.”

He handed her back a full glass of wine, and slipped himself neatly into her side, wiggling himself under her legs so that her ass was pressed up against his thigh.

He put his wine on the table, opened the sushi tray and started to mix up the wasabi, ginger and soy sauce.

“Okay. So anything else going on?”

“Just the usual, you know. Typical assholes trying to steal me away from you, nothing new.”

“Uh oh! Do I have anything to worry about?”

“What do you mean baby?”

“Well, are there any notable suitors that I should be worried about?”

“Baby you don’t have to worry about a thing.”

“Oh please, I’m sure there must be someone who makes you blush.”

“Baby, never!”

“I find that hard to believe. Not one?”


“See, I knew it. Go on, you can tell me. I can take it.”

“Fine. Well, there is this one guy. Comes in every morning and he always orders a tall black, with two raw sugars.”

“Oh yeah? Just like me, huh?”

“Yeah, I guess so! Except, he always tips me a bill, and makes sure he hands it to me personally, which is not that big of a deal, but he always makes sure that there’s a little skin on skin each time.”

“What a sly little fox!”

“Oh he’s sly all right, but not creepy. Soft, subtle, definitely sexual, and his eyes lock on mine while he gives me a devilish grin, and says ‘Darling, you don’t need to work one more minute at this hateful job. Come live with me in my penthouse condo and I’ll make YOU coffee every morning.'”

“Wow. Sounds pretty serious. So what do you say back to him?”

“Oh you know, I give him one of these.”

She flashed him a deadly seductive smirk.

“Oh my!”

“Then I slowly take back my hand and bat my eyelids a few times.”

“Oh my god. I’d melt, right fucking there.”

“Oh he does, every time. Then I say ‘Thanks, darling!’ and with that he struts his way out the door after blowing me a kiss.”

“Holy shit. How do you resist his charm? He sounds like a fucking magician to me.”

“Oh he is. It’s even more than magical, it’s mystical. But you don’t need to worry baby.”

“Oh really? Why is that?”


“Because why? Is he short?”

“Oh no, he’s tall, just like you.”

“Okay, so is he really old?”

“Hah ha, no you’re definitely older than he is. I’d say he’s my age, maybe younger.”

“Damn. So is he fat then?”

“No you silly goose, he’s fit as fuck. Looks like he’d know how to dance really good too.”

“Gee, well it sounds like he’s got me beat then. So how come you won’t bite then?”

“You’re going to think I’m crazy.”

“I’m beginning to think so. Sounds kind of nuts to pass up such a prince. He must have something really wrong with him.”

“Oh, he does.”

“Well what is it? I have to know!”

“I don’t want to say. It’s really silly.”

“Well I’ll be the judge of that. Come on, tell me.”



“Okay! So, he has a HUGE fucking nose! It’s like a pork schnitzel! I swear, I could probably stick my WHOLE fist up his nostril! I just couldn’t do it, there’s no way.”

“Ah ha ha ha ha ha! Oh my god, that’s so funny!”

“I told you it was silly. Now you’re just laughing at me.”

She turned herself away from his teasing gaze, trying to stop herself from laughing by biting her lip.

“Oh you’re right, I am laughing at you! Seriously, think about it! With a nose like that, just think about how good he could be at fucking you with it while he’s eating your pussy!”

She nearly spit out the sip of wine that she just took in her mouth.

“OH MY GOD, you’re so right! What was I thinking?”

“I know! Seriously, you should just pack your bag now, bring it with you to work on Monday so you can just leave from there when he comes in! Shit, I’ll even help you pack.”

“Would you really? Oh baby, you really are just so considerate! You know, I’m going to miss that about you though.”

“Oh honey, I’m sure you’ll get over it. I mean, it sounds like this guy practically has a second penis right on his face. Even if he was short, old and fat, I’d say that with a nose like that he’d still be a great catch!”

“You’re right, and just think! He’s young, tall, fit AND rich!”

“Seriously, if you don’t marry this asshole next week, I think I will.”

“Fine, it’s settled then. I’ll be out of your hair after the weekend.”

“Thank the fucking lord. It’s about time you figured your life out!”

“I know. But really, I wouldn’t have been able to do it without you. You’ve helped me so much baby. I wouldn’t be here today if it wasn’t for you.”

She took a full swig of wine, and then handed him her glass so he could place it on the table.  He gave her a playful scowl as she loudly swallowed her moutful.

“Well, thanks for saying that babe, but honestly, it seems like I’ve just been holding you back. I’m just glad that I’m such a broke jackass that you had to even get a crappy job in the first place, or else you would never have met such a great guy. What’s his name by the way?”

“His name is D’Artagnan.”

“Jesus! A fucking musketeer! You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“No, he’s pretty amazing. Dresses like a boss too.”

“Sounds like baby-daddy material. I’d knock yourself up as fast as possible, get that dick on lock down.”

“Oh we’d have spectacu-fucking-lar looking babies. Instant movie star models.”

“Wow. I kind of wish I could have his babies too.”

“You would. But anyway, I’m hungry as fuck. Can we eat already?”

“You know, I’ve kind of lost my appetite. I think I’m good for now.”

He turned his gaze toward the window and out across the city lights of the upper eastside of downtown Manhattan. She could see the smirk in his cheek, but she could also see the twinkle of a trigger in his eyes, his wrinkled, yet sexy eyes. It was hard to tell how much of it was smirk and how much was pain and fear.

“Are you for real?”

He didn’t flinch. Neither the smirk, nor the twinkle, moved a smidge.

“Well then, okay, I’m starving, so it’s your loss!”

She leaned forward to grab the sushi, and then he moved with that lightning fast speed that was impossible to beat. He went straight for the tender spot of her upper ribs with both of his hands, and the next thing she knew, he had a full mount on her with his fingers dug deeply into her pits.


She bucked and thrashed with a carnal ferocity, whipping herself from side to side, somewhat involuntarily from the sheer terror of his tickling, but also trying to break his grip and slide herself beneath him, away from those deadly hands.

His grip would not break, and her deep defensive grunts quickly turned into shrieks of laughter and cries of mercy.


“Shush. Be quiet! You’re going to get the cops called, again. You don’t want me to go to jail, do you?”


“Oh my god! Shut the fuck up and just take it! You’re gonna get it now.”

And then, he took it to the next level. She fucking hated it so much when he did this, but he was so fast, so freaking fast.

His tongue darted straight into her left ear, and it was the grossest thing she ever felt. The sucking pop and wet ooze that left her ear when she whipped her head sideways was sick, but the splitting crack from her head accidentally smashing into his was deafening.

He flew back off of her, and for a split second she felt vindicated. At least the tickling had stopped and the feeling of her almost about to pee her pants was gone, but then the sound of the coffee table disintegrating under his body made her forget all about it.

It was a yard sale, all over the living room floor. Sushi, wine, a cactus plant, dirt, rocks and yes even a moon rock were scattered about the mess. Soy sauce and wasabi ran across the floor like blood, veins of incriminating evidence of their ruckus.

And then of course, there was him. Sprawled out like a starfish, clutching his face and writhing in pain on top of the shattered glass coffee table, he desperately tried to get himself up.

Gasping in shock, she jumped off the couch, and then without a millisecond delay… she pounced on him, digging her sharply nailed fingertips into his openly exposed armpits.


He was pinned, on broken glass. Game over, jackass. She rode him like it was an eight second rodeo, and then he caved.

“I’M SORRY! I’M SORRY! PLEASE, for the love of GOD, please stop baby, please stop.”

“Are you really sorry? Because the last time you said you were, I believed you. I want to know if this time you really mean it?”

“YES baby, yes, I promise you, I’m SO sorry. I’ll never do it again, I promise!”

She dug her nails in hard, and he lurched in excruciating pain.


“Please, what? I can’t hear you!”


“You BETTER not! Because next time I won’t be so nice.”

“I promise baby, I promise so hard. Please get off me hun, I’m in fucking pain.”

“Yeah well, you deserve it. You brought this on yourself.”

No comment.

She stood up, and leapt like a leapord straight on to the couch.

Cinderella the curious kitty had jumped up on to the back of the couch in an effort to get closer to the action, and then spectacularly sprung eight feet through the air, directly on to his crotch.

At an easy 15 pounds, and with dangerously sharp claws, the full weight of the flying feline dug into his penis and scrotum as it used him as a landing pad, and then descended promptly on to the floor where it began to attack the spilled sushi buffet.

He screamed out in agony, howling like a broken animal. She burst out laughing hysterically, but couldn’t help crying out in pain for him as well. He was almost in tears as she leaned down and reached out to him. She started to feel really bad.

This wasn’t how the night was supposed to turn out, but it was still funny as hell. He finally pulled himself up and shook off the nugget size chunks of glass from his back and the back of his head as he climbed up on to the far end of the couch.

She couldn’t help laughing again. He still had chunks of glass stuck in his back, but luckily none that were bleeding too badly, yet. She gently started plucking out the chunks of glass but couldn’t stifle her snickering and giggling at his winces of pain.


“Yeah eh? I bet it hurts.”


“Sorry. That was a big one. Okay, I think you’re good, but you should really go take a shower. Help me clean up this mess first.”


She grabbed Cinderella who was deeply distracted with a piece of tuna sashimi and threw her in the office after she grabbed the vacuum. He had cleaned up the sushi, the wine glasses, the cactus and as much of the rocks and dirt as he could finger back in the flowerpot.

“Go have your shower baby, I’ll get the rest here. Hurry back or I’m gonna come find you.”

“Mm. So I’ll see you in the shower in…”

“Ha hah funny boy. You couldn’t handle me right now.”

“Oh really? I’ll take that challenge.”

“It wasn’t a challenge, just a fact. Go have your shower.”

She leaned on to his shoulder and pulled herself up under his downward gaze, like she always loved to do, looking up at him with those sweet, yet severely seductive eyes.


He kissed her. She reached under his arms and he jumped back instinctively, which made her laugh again. They kissed again and then he jumped up. After ripping off his shirt in a silly strip tease, he strutted out to the hall while she watched him leave.

“Hey, you got a couple of bleeders. Let me know if you need a hand.”

“Like I said before, I’ll see you in there in like, five?”

She smirked, and then started clapping her hands mockingly. With a whip and sleight of hand that hockey players can only dream of, she screamed aloud as his bloodied shirt hit her right in the face. He turned and fled down the hall to the bathroom, cackling glibly.

She smiled secretly as she breathed through his shirt and soaked in his scent. It was decided, she was going to sneak in that shower, and fuck his brains out. He deserved it, and she needed it more than ever.

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